December 31st - Visit #10

Well my journey to 50 has come to an end. This has been a year of great self reflection and time spent with those that have inspired and challenged me to be my best. I spent the last 4 days of 49 with my 76 year old dad who other than my mom has most shaped me into the person I am. After many years in the rat race of Dallas, he now lives on a peaceful, remote ranch 18 miles southwest of Marathon, Texas. Even though I was born and raised in Dallas, the Marathon area always seems like home to me. He is one of the hardest working, passionate men I know. We got up today and I followed him in the pickup while he ran the bulldozer and worked some roads he had been meaning to fix. He is a walking encyclopedia of the history of the Southwest and is willing to share this information with anyone who will listen. He has an unbelievable book collection of Texas history that would rival many library collections. He has written several books and has done numerous presentations on the history of this area. He is most comfortable talking one on one with people however can hold his own in large groups when needed. Just like my mom, he has made many sacrifices for my brother and I and would do anything for us. I haven't always agreed with all of the choices my parents have made but have come to realize that we are all on a journey doing the best we can in life. I am definitely a combination of both of my parents and for that I am grateful.

Things I have learned or been reminded of this year:

Choose Joy!!

Let it go.

Look for the good in situations and in people.

Everyone is fighting their own private battle and needs love not judgment.

People are what it's all about, take time for them.

If you are willing to listen, people are more than willing to share.

Laugh!

You can learn a lot about yourself by having a greater understanding of where you come from.

The number one thing I have learned this year is - It's ok to be an introvert - God made each of us unique and we should celebrate that!!

I started this journey one year ago not really understanding the impact it would have on me. I have been amazed at what I have learned about myself, where I've come from and how that has shaped me into who I am today. My plan is to continue to take the time to meet with people on a regular basis to help me become the best me I can be.

Many thanks to those who met with me on my journey: Billie Faye Curtis, Fred and Max Stumberg, Mary Carole Strother, Alan Harkey, Chris Harkey, Andrew Harkey, Janet Anders, Sandra Taylor, and Travis Roberts.

Here's to an amazing 2014!!! 50 is gonna be GREAT!!

September 28th - Visit #9

So for visit #9 I spent the morning with my mom at Bill Smith’s Café in McKinney. I didn’t tell my mom she was my person for the month because I just wanted to enjoy the time with her without her feeling like she had to wax eloquently about something that I was going to write up. I received some great advice from a friend before I went, who told me ask questions about mom’s perspective about when I was growing up. This advice came from a friend whose mom has dementia and has missed this opportunity.  

My mom is my rock, she is who I call when things are good, when things are bad, when I need to know how to seat a toilet or bake a cake. She usually only listens and gives advice when I ask for it which I am sure kills her sometimes. My mom is multi-talented! She can throw a party like no other, landscape a yard in to a thing of beauty, decorate a house, cooks up an incredible holiday meal and has always treated others better than they probably deserve. She has an unparalleled work ethic, is a perfectionist and does amazing things for her family and friends.

My mom has not always had an easy life. She was the oldest girl of 6 siblings and was called on to do a lot for her family. Her mother was a very complex person and her father, who was her rock, died at a young age and left her without an anchor. You would never know this by being around her or talking with her. She has overcome many obstacles with pure dignity and grace and an amazing attitude. I knew my mom would do anything for my brother and me however, I didn’t know until this morning just how incredible some of those sacrifices were. It has taken me a while to process and be able to write up this visit.

My mom is my hero and my inspiration! I am who I am today because of the incredible influence she has had on me. Thanks MOM!!

August 31st - Visit #8

Visit #8 was with son #2, Andrew. We went on a dinner date, with him driving, to one of his favorite places, Olive Garden. Andrew felt pressure to say something spectacular because he wanted me to have something “good” to write about. Once again these visits are just to show the people in my life how they inspire me to be my best.  I am determined to slow down the life roller coaster and let people become my focus.  Andrew inspires me because of his character, his wonderful caring heart, his amazing creativity and his passion for all he is involved in. I have never met someone who is more interested in learning about and mastering more things than Andrew. Once he is interested in something, it becomes his total passion until he masters it. His current passion is music which he comes by very naturally. He can play clarinet, all saxophones, electric and upright bass and is working on piano. His talent amazes me! He is also very interested in driving. He recently got his learners permit and wants to drive all of the time. He is a very good driver which makes this desire easier on me.

Andrew has many of my personality traits which is both good and bad. You hope your children only take the good but they are definitely a product of their genes and environment. He is a driven introvert who tends to internalize things and is very independent. After living that life for almost 50 years, I know how hard this can be. We had a very good talk about life and how our families, specifically our parents influence who we are and who we become. I think everyone has hang-ups and baggage to deal with because of parents. I just hope his skeletons and demons are not too much to bear and overcome.

We also spent time talking about the life of a current teenager and how exposure to things at school is at times, unbelievable. He and Chris have had to deal with things that were not a part of my high school experience. Technology has changed things and sometimes not for the good! I question how this generation is going to be effected by the things they are exposed to.

Andrew is a wonderful young man and I am very proud to be called his mom. I know he will do amazing things with his life!

July 30th - Visit #7

For visit #7 I had a girl’s week in Las Vegas with a dear friend. My friend Janet, who is my polar opposite, had to attend a conference in Vegas so I went along for the ride. Janet is outgoing, talkative, has never met a stranger, gets over anything at the drop of a hat, and is filled with joy in almost every situation. Those who know me well, know that I am none of those things!! How we ever became friends is puzzling to me but, we both have the same heart when it comes to kids. I feel like God brought us together to accomplish great things. Five years ago Janet interviewed me for a job in her school. I had several job offers and was praying for a sign on which one to accept. That night when I was coming out of WalMart, I ran into Janet and her husband and she said, “You realize this is a sign.” I didn’t have a choice after that – I had to take the job. We worked together for four great years and then both left to pursue other opportunities in a new district. Over the years, we have laughed together, cried together and supported each other through many situations. She knows me better than almost anyone and still wants to hang out. That is pretty cool in my book! Whenever life gets too hard to handle alone she is the one I call. She is always willing to listen, offer advice or just be there for me. She loves my family and would do anything for not only them but for just about anyone. 

Vegas was a blast!! Janet attended her conference during the day and I went exploring. I visited all of the major casinos and hotels and took in the sites. I also visited the National Geographic 50 Most Intriguing Photos Exhibit. It was amazing to see the photos and learn the stories behind them. The weirdest thing I saw on the strip was a very normal looking bald guy walking around with a rock perched on his head. The Fremont Street Experience provided many more interesting and strange things to see but perhaps should not be written about here. We got to see Bill Cosby and Al Roker – they were very entertaining and it was amazing to see two legends!! We finished up the week by attending a panel discussion with John Quinones and three very passionate teachers. It was very inspiring to see teachers of this caliber talk with such enthusiasm about their jobs! The best part of Vegas was just hanging out with my friend.

It is very comforting to know I have someone to call for anything or for nothing. Janet is my “person” and for that I am grateful!

June 30th - Visit #6

So, for this month I decided to spend time with myself and God and reflect on the things I have learned so far on my journey. I traveled to San Antonio to the ISTE conference for 5 amazing days of learning and food, but was able to spend some alone time and reflect and ponder the things of life. Things that help you reflect on life - turning 50, graduation and the oldest leaving the nest, anniversary #24, the death of an amazing person and friend, the terminal illness of a dear friends young wife, the end of a school year, time alone... Too much of the time I don't stop and be still long enough to ponder anything. This year long journey is a marker along the way to make sure I am headed the right way along the path of life. It has been a wonderful and fun learning experience so far.

Big ideas I have learned so far...

Be passionate about what you do!

Care about others!

Don't take yourself too seriously!

Stop and smell the roses along the way - take time for the relationships in your life!

Some times you just have to deal with "it" and move on.

The most amazing people I know are those that are passionate about what they do and care about others more than themselves. Several of these people are: Mr. Lee, the janitor at my old school. He takes such pride in what he does and is willing to always go above and beyond to help others. My husband, band director extraordinaire. He lives band and would do anything to to share that passion with others. A testament to this is how many students he has had that have followed in his foot steps. Shannon Price, one of the best teachers I have ever worked with. The relationships she builds with students allows her to teach her students to reach their highest potential in everything. I want to be passionate about what I do so I can affect others as these have affected me.

I know that I take life too seriously! I am a perfectionist, very hard on myself and expect too much from myself and others. This tendency hinders my ability to relax and enjoy all life has to offer sometimes. This is definitely an area for continued work! Stopping each month to spend an extended time with someone has helped however, this will always be an area of struggle for me.

One of the people in my life who represents all of these big ideas is my friend, Dee Rogers who recently died of pancreatic cancer. She was and will continue to be such an inspiration to me and so many others. Everything she did in life, she did with passion. Whether it was Learning @ Lovejoy, golfing, family, friends...she lived life with grit and gusto! She cared immensely about others and was always willing to stop and listen. She helped me "move on" on several occasions and helped me not take thing too seriously. I will miss her smile and friendship!

I have enjoyed my journey so far, learned a lot about myself, really connected with people and hopefully will continue to learn and grow and become more of the person I should be.

May 27th - Visit #5

Visit #5 was today with son #1, Chris. He definitely had a large impact on my life in that when he arrived on the scene, I became a mom. Being a mom is one of the hardest but most rewarding jobs I have ever had. When Chris was born, he had sleep apnea and a dislocated hip. He came home on a heart monitor and a Pavlik harness. Since I was a first time mom, I knew no different and we went about life visiting Scottish Rite and listening for the monitor to go off. You tend to deal with the hand you are given. Since that time, he has had his tonsils out which resulted in the "worst day of his life", a broken arm, 5 surgeries on the cyst in his arm, a gash to the head, braces... He has also provided us with many joys along the way. Chris remembers in infinite details many of life's journeys. This can be good and bad!! Chris is one of the most kind, caring and sensitive people I know. He cares so much about others, how they feel and wants to make sure no one feels left out. He has decided to pursue a career in Psychology so he can help troubled youth. This career path is perfect for him!
I wanted to visit with Chris this month because graduation is upon us and he will be leaving the nest soon. I am excited for his journey into the world and can't wait to see what he accomplishes. We had a nice visit over breakfast at Spoons in downtown McKinney. After breakfast he asked me if this was where I was supposed to ask him how I messed up his life by the way I had raised him. I replied that he could share with me anything he thought I needed to hear. His only complaint in his upbringing was that Alan and I sheltered he and Andrew from "stuff" so much that he didn't know how to talk to his middle school classmates. They were all interested in things that he hadn't been exposed to. I am good with that - if that is the only thing he thinks I really messed up, I can live with that.
I feel like Chris and I have a great relationship and have talked about many things throughout the years. He seems to feel pretty comfortable discussing his thoughts, feelings, dreams and hopes with me and for that I am grateful! He is too much like me and will suffer many of the same woes I do however. You want your kids to only take the good stuff from you and hope they skip over the things of which you are not so proud. They see it all though and become what they see and know. Chris is a wonderful person and I know he will make a huge impact on many people throughout his life. I am very proud to be his mom!

April 27th - Visit #4

Visit #4 was a day spent with my husband, Alan.  Of all of my relationships, Alan knows the good and bad of me more than anyone. We are rapidly approaching year 25 and this year I will have spent more of my life married than single. After my first three visits, I knew that Alan needed to be my next visit. Spending time with Billy Faye on my first visit and seeing her 50+ year relationship with Harold, plus seeing how my aunt and uncle have influenced each other and created an amazing family, led me to evaluate my own family.

We spent the day in downtown Dallas eating and visiting.  Our first stop was The Dallas Farmer's Market and BBQ at Pecan Lodge - most amazing brisket ever! We strolled the Farmer's Market and got some great fruit and veggies for the week. We then went to the Klyde Warren Park in Downtown Dallas. It was full of people enjoying a beautiful day. I love that we both enjoy many of the same things - watching sports, reading, going to concerts, traveling, spending time with our family...

Our visit consisted of where we have been and where we hope to go with our lives and our family. Chris is graduating from high school in about 6 weeks and our lives will be changing. Andrew is not far behind Chris and before you know it, we will have an empty nest. We are beginning the talk of retirement and what the future holds. It is hard for me to believe that time has passed SO fast! Many times we are so busy, we don't take the time to really stop and talk about things that are going on, things we believe or things that are bothering us. We get so caught up in every day life and don't stop to check in with each other on a deeper level. We both decided we need to do days like this more often.

I am so thankful that Alan is supportive of my many adventures in life. I am very independent and I know it takes a very special person to put up with my sometimes crazy ideas. I feel like I can do anything I can dream with 100% backing from him. Neither one of us are perfect but I feel like I have a partner for life. It feels wonderful to know how much support I have from him!!