December 31st - Visit #10

Well my journey to 50 has come to an end. This has been a year of great self reflection and time spent with those that have inspired and challenged me to be my best. I spent the last 4 days of 49 with my 76 year old dad who other than my mom has most shaped me into the person I am. After many years in the rat race of Dallas, he now lives on a peaceful, remote ranch 18 miles southwest of Marathon, Texas. Even though I was born and raised in Dallas, the Marathon area always seems like home to me. He is one of the hardest working, passionate men I know. We got up today and I followed him in the pickup while he ran the bulldozer and worked some roads he had been meaning to fix. He is a walking encyclopedia of the history of the Southwest and is willing to share this information with anyone who will listen. He has an unbelievable book collection of Texas history that would rival many library collections. He has written several books and has done numerous presentations on the history of this area. He is most comfortable talking one on one with people however can hold his own in large groups when needed. Just like my mom, he has made many sacrifices for my brother and I and would do anything for us. I haven't always agreed with all of the choices my parents have made but have come to realize that we are all on a journey doing the best we can in life. I am definitely a combination of both of my parents and for that I am grateful.

Things I have learned or been reminded of this year:

Choose Joy!!

Let it go.

Look for the good in situations and in people.

Everyone is fighting their own private battle and needs love not judgment.

People are what it's all about, take time for them.

If you are willing to listen, people are more than willing to share.

Laugh!

You can learn a lot about yourself by having a greater understanding of where you come from.

The number one thing I have learned this year is - It's ok to be an introvert - God made each of us unique and we should celebrate that!!

I started this journey one year ago not really understanding the impact it would have on me. I have been amazed at what I have learned about myself, where I've come from and how that has shaped me into who I am today. My plan is to continue to take the time to meet with people on a regular basis to help me become the best me I can be.

Many thanks to those who met with me on my journey: Billie Faye Curtis, Fred and Max Stumberg, Mary Carole Strother, Alan Harkey, Chris Harkey, Andrew Harkey, Janet Anders, Sandra Taylor, and Travis Roberts.

Here's to an amazing 2014!!! 50 is gonna be GREAT!!

September 28th - Visit #9

So for visit #9 I spent the morning with my mom at Bill Smith’s Café in McKinney. I didn’t tell my mom she was my person for the month because I just wanted to enjoy the time with her without her feeling like she had to wax eloquently about something that I was going to write up. I received some great advice from a friend before I went, who told me ask questions about mom’s perspective about when I was growing up. This advice came from a friend whose mom has dementia and has missed this opportunity.  

My mom is my rock, she is who I call when things are good, when things are bad, when I need to know how to seat a toilet or bake a cake. She usually only listens and gives advice when I ask for it which I am sure kills her sometimes. My mom is multi-talented! She can throw a party like no other, landscape a yard in to a thing of beauty, decorate a house, cooks up an incredible holiday meal and has always treated others better than they probably deserve. She has an unparalleled work ethic, is a perfectionist and does amazing things for her family and friends.

My mom has not always had an easy life. She was the oldest girl of 6 siblings and was called on to do a lot for her family. Her mother was a very complex person and her father, who was her rock, died at a young age and left her without an anchor. You would never know this by being around her or talking with her. She has overcome many obstacles with pure dignity and grace and an amazing attitude. I knew my mom would do anything for my brother and me however, I didn’t know until this morning just how incredible some of those sacrifices were. It has taken me a while to process and be able to write up this visit.

My mom is my hero and my inspiration! I am who I am today because of the incredible influence she has had on me. Thanks MOM!!

August 31st - Visit #8

Visit #8 was with son #2, Andrew. We went on a dinner date, with him driving, to one of his favorite places, Olive Garden. Andrew felt pressure to say something spectacular because he wanted me to have something “good” to write about. Once again these visits are just to show the people in my life how they inspire me to be my best.  I am determined to slow down the life roller coaster and let people become my focus.  Andrew inspires me because of his character, his wonderful caring heart, his amazing creativity and his passion for all he is involved in. I have never met someone who is more interested in learning about and mastering more things than Andrew. Once he is interested in something, it becomes his total passion until he masters it. His current passion is music which he comes by very naturally. He can play clarinet, all saxophones, electric and upright bass and is working on piano. His talent amazes me! He is also very interested in driving. He recently got his learners permit and wants to drive all of the time. He is a very good driver which makes this desire easier on me.

Andrew has many of my personality traits which is both good and bad. You hope your children only take the good but they are definitely a product of their genes and environment. He is a driven introvert who tends to internalize things and is very independent. After living that life for almost 50 years, I know how hard this can be. We had a very good talk about life and how our families, specifically our parents influence who we are and who we become. I think everyone has hang-ups and baggage to deal with because of parents. I just hope his skeletons and demons are not too much to bear and overcome.

We also spent time talking about the life of a current teenager and how exposure to things at school is at times, unbelievable. He and Chris have had to deal with things that were not a part of my high school experience. Technology has changed things and sometimes not for the good! I question how this generation is going to be effected by the things they are exposed to.

Andrew is a wonderful young man and I am very proud to be called his mom. I know he will do amazing things with his life!

July 30th - Visit #7

For visit #7 I had a girl’s week in Las Vegas with a dear friend. My friend Janet, who is my polar opposite, had to attend a conference in Vegas so I went along for the ride. Janet is outgoing, talkative, has never met a stranger, gets over anything at the drop of a hat, and is filled with joy in almost every situation. Those who know me well, know that I am none of those things!! How we ever became friends is puzzling to me but, we both have the same heart when it comes to kids. I feel like God brought us together to accomplish great things. Five years ago Janet interviewed me for a job in her school. I had several job offers and was praying for a sign on which one to accept. That night when I was coming out of WalMart, I ran into Janet and her husband and she said, “You realize this is a sign.” I didn’t have a choice after that – I had to take the job. We worked together for four great years and then both left to pursue other opportunities in a new district. Over the years, we have laughed together, cried together and supported each other through many situations. She knows me better than almost anyone and still wants to hang out. That is pretty cool in my book! Whenever life gets too hard to handle alone she is the one I call. She is always willing to listen, offer advice or just be there for me. She loves my family and would do anything for not only them but for just about anyone. 

Vegas was a blast!! Janet attended her conference during the day and I went exploring. I visited all of the major casinos and hotels and took in the sites. I also visited the National Geographic 50 Most Intriguing Photos Exhibit. It was amazing to see the photos and learn the stories behind them. The weirdest thing I saw on the strip was a very normal looking bald guy walking around with a rock perched on his head. The Fremont Street Experience provided many more interesting and strange things to see but perhaps should not be written about here. We got to see Bill Cosby and Al Roker – they were very entertaining and it was amazing to see two legends!! We finished up the week by attending a panel discussion with John Quinones and three very passionate teachers. It was very inspiring to see teachers of this caliber talk with such enthusiasm about their jobs! The best part of Vegas was just hanging out with my friend.

It is very comforting to know I have someone to call for anything or for nothing. Janet is my “person” and for that I am grateful!

June 30th - Visit #6

So, for this month I decided to spend time with myself and God and reflect on the things I have learned so far on my journey. I traveled to San Antonio to the ISTE conference for 5 amazing days of learning and food, but was able to spend some alone time and reflect and ponder the things of life. Things that help you reflect on life - turning 50, graduation and the oldest leaving the nest, anniversary #24, the death of an amazing person and friend, the terminal illness of a dear friends young wife, the end of a school year, time alone... Too much of the time I don't stop and be still long enough to ponder anything. This year long journey is a marker along the way to make sure I am headed the right way along the path of life. It has been a wonderful and fun learning experience so far.

Big ideas I have learned so far...

Be passionate about what you do!

Care about others!

Don't take yourself too seriously!

Stop and smell the roses along the way - take time for the relationships in your life!

Some times you just have to deal with "it" and move on.

The most amazing people I know are those that are passionate about what they do and care about others more than themselves. Several of these people are: Mr. Lee, the janitor at my old school. He takes such pride in what he does and is willing to always go above and beyond to help others. My husband, band director extraordinaire. He lives band and would do anything to to share that passion with others. A testament to this is how many students he has had that have followed in his foot steps. Shannon Price, one of the best teachers I have ever worked with. The relationships she builds with students allows her to teach her students to reach their highest potential in everything. I want to be passionate about what I do so I can affect others as these have affected me.

I know that I take life too seriously! I am a perfectionist, very hard on myself and expect too much from myself and others. This tendency hinders my ability to relax and enjoy all life has to offer sometimes. This is definitely an area for continued work! Stopping each month to spend an extended time with someone has helped however, this will always be an area of struggle for me.

One of the people in my life who represents all of these big ideas is my friend, Dee Rogers who recently died of pancreatic cancer. She was and will continue to be such an inspiration to me and so many others. Everything she did in life, she did with passion. Whether it was Learning @ Lovejoy, golfing, family, friends...she lived life with grit and gusto! She cared immensely about others and was always willing to stop and listen. She helped me "move on" on several occasions and helped me not take thing too seriously. I will miss her smile and friendship!

I have enjoyed my journey so far, learned a lot about myself, really connected with people and hopefully will continue to learn and grow and become more of the person I should be.

May 27th - Visit #5

Visit #5 was today with son #1, Chris. He definitely had a large impact on my life in that when he arrived on the scene, I became a mom. Being a mom is one of the hardest but most rewarding jobs I have ever had. When Chris was born, he had sleep apnea and a dislocated hip. He came home on a heart monitor and a Pavlik harness. Since I was a first time mom, I knew no different and we went about life visiting Scottish Rite and listening for the monitor to go off. You tend to deal with the hand you are given. Since that time, he has had his tonsils out which resulted in the "worst day of his life", a broken arm, 5 surgeries on the cyst in his arm, a gash to the head, braces... He has also provided us with many joys along the way. Chris remembers in infinite details many of life's journeys. This can be good and bad!! Chris is one of the most kind, caring and sensitive people I know. He cares so much about others, how they feel and wants to make sure no one feels left out. He has decided to pursue a career in Psychology so he can help troubled youth. This career path is perfect for him!
I wanted to visit with Chris this month because graduation is upon us and he will be leaving the nest soon. I am excited for his journey into the world and can't wait to see what he accomplishes. We had a nice visit over breakfast at Spoons in downtown McKinney. After breakfast he asked me if this was where I was supposed to ask him how I messed up his life by the way I had raised him. I replied that he could share with me anything he thought I needed to hear. His only complaint in his upbringing was that Alan and I sheltered he and Andrew from "stuff" so much that he didn't know how to talk to his middle school classmates. They were all interested in things that he hadn't been exposed to. I am good with that - if that is the only thing he thinks I really messed up, I can live with that.
I feel like Chris and I have a great relationship and have talked about many things throughout the years. He seems to feel pretty comfortable discussing his thoughts, feelings, dreams and hopes with me and for that I am grateful! He is too much like me and will suffer many of the same woes I do however. You want your kids to only take the good stuff from you and hope they skip over the things of which you are not so proud. They see it all though and become what they see and know. Chris is a wonderful person and I know he will make a huge impact on many people throughout his life. I am very proud to be his mom!

April 27th - Visit #4

Visit #4 was a day spent with my husband, Alan.  Of all of my relationships, Alan knows the good and bad of me more than anyone. We are rapidly approaching year 25 and this year I will have spent more of my life married than single. After my first three visits, I knew that Alan needed to be my next visit. Spending time with Billy Faye on my first visit and seeing her 50+ year relationship with Harold, plus seeing how my aunt and uncle have influenced each other and created an amazing family, led me to evaluate my own family.

We spent the day in downtown Dallas eating and visiting.  Our first stop was The Dallas Farmer's Market and BBQ at Pecan Lodge - most amazing brisket ever! We strolled the Farmer's Market and got some great fruit and veggies for the week. We then went to the Klyde Warren Park in Downtown Dallas. It was full of people enjoying a beautiful day. I love that we both enjoy many of the same things - watching sports, reading, going to concerts, traveling, spending time with our family...

Our visit consisted of where we have been and where we hope to go with our lives and our family. Chris is graduating from high school in about 6 weeks and our lives will be changing. Andrew is not far behind Chris and before you know it, we will have an empty nest. We are beginning the talk of retirement and what the future holds. It is hard for me to believe that time has passed SO fast! Many times we are so busy, we don't take the time to really stop and talk about things that are going on, things we believe or things that are bothering us. We get so caught up in every day life and don't stop to check in with each other on a deeper level. We both decided we need to do days like this more often.

I am so thankful that Alan is supportive of my many adventures in life. I am very independent and I know it takes a very special person to put up with my sometimes crazy ideas. I feel like I can do anything I can dream with 100% backing from him. Neither one of us are perfect but I feel like I have a partner for life. It feels wonderful to know how much support I have from him!!

March 24th - Visit #3

WOW!! What an incredible weekend!  My first visit with family was an overwhelming time of learning, growing and understanding.  My aunt and uncle are amazing people who love God and family.  Their lives are such an inspiration to me.  My uncle, who I have always thought was almost perfect, allowed me see to his inner thoughts and feelings.  He spent time sharing what he knows of my family for the past 3 generations and how that has shaped us. We are probably a pretty typical family with skeletons in closets, crazy stories, failed relationships and people trying to make their way in this thing called life. 

He shared his perception of why things are the way they are in our family. He helped me to understand my inner drive, work ethic, how I relate to people and my insecurities. Both sides of my family have a very strong sense of drive which can be mentally and physically overwhelming at times. He shared how he has handled this over the course of his life. My cousin Justin even chimed in and shared some of his journey. Justin’s insights were amazing and almost eerily correct. It is interesting to me, how even though we aren’t connected on a daily basis, being from the same family creates many of the same issues (good and bad).

My aunt, who I also hold in high esteem, talked about how we have a choice to let our circumstances and backgrounds dictate who we are or we can choose to rise above anything and experience joy. She has “joy” signs all over her house to be a constant reminder of this. I think this is a great idea and plan to do the same around my house and office. It is so easy for me to get caught up in the everyday things of life and not remember this. Max is a mentor teacher in her school district so we had a lot of education “stuff” to visit about as well.

When I left their house, I stopped on my way home and climbed Enchanted Rock.  It was a very peaceful time of reflection and beauty. I was able to spend several hours reflecting on my journey so far. As I have said before, this journey has been about connecting with people in my life who have inspired me and meant a tremendous amount to me.  I am thrilled to be spending this year with the people I love the most and learning great things in the process. I truly think that this is becoming a life changing journey. Can’t wait for next month!!

March 16th - Visit #3 Planned

My March visit will be my first with actual family. I will be traveling to Boerne, Texas to visit and receive wisdom from my Uncle Fred and Aunt Max. My Uncle is number five of six kids on my moms side of the family. My mom is number two. Fred has obviously know me since I was born and known my mom since he was born. He has great insight into my extended family and I am looking forward to him sharing some of this insight. He has always been a Quiet Rock in my eyes. He thinks a lot, takes it all in and is very reserved in his sharing of thoughts. Kind of reminds me of me. :)
I was quite excited when Fred decided to bring Aunt Max into the family. I remember helping my Uncle wrap a gift (a cross necklace) for my soon to be Aunt. The wrapping job looked great except one end was wrapped up and the other end was wrapped down. I guess it didn't matter to her because she soon joined our crazy family. Aunt Max is from Valentine, Texas. When you are from Valentine, you are FUN! You have to be because there is nothing to do in Valentine. Max and I created our own fun on many occasions. Spending many a New Years Eve in Marathon, Texas requires the invention of fun. Coconuts, meat cleavers and ice picks were included one year. Memories were made!! Fred and Max have always been a stable force in my life. We don't talk much but when we do, I always come away feeling better about myself, my family and life in general. I really look forward to our visit.

February 27 - Visit #2

For my #2 visit on my 49 year journey, I spent the night visiting with Mary Carole Strother.  MC has been an incredible inspiration in my career and life. She has encouraged me to challenge and stretch myself beyond what I ever thought I could. She has given me tremendous career advice and has helped me think through my next move on several occasions. We have presented together, learned together and collaborated on many a project. I always look forward with anticipation to a call with a new idea that involves a new technology that we must figure out for the next project or presentation. These calls often happen late at night - long after my creative brain has gone to sleep but MC is still up, dreaming up the next idea. She is one of the most energetic, creative, hard working people I know. She stays up on the latest technology integration and inspires many of us to do the same. She is always willing to share the spotlight if you will only step up and learn. 

We spent time talking about work - what is the next "thing" on the horizon, our families - we both have two great boys and husbands, retirement, spiritual matters... I think she felt a little like she needed to say something spectacular because she knew I was going to write about it but that is not the point. Spending time with my amazing, inspirational people is all I am looking for. She continually challenges and inspires me to be my best me.

MC asked me what was the biggest thing I had learned so far on this journey.  I have learned that people and relationships are what life is all about. The destination on this journey is Jan. 1, 2014 when I turn 50, but the journey I am on is the people along the way that I can visit with, enjoy and learn from. This past month I have had a long dinner with Chris, enjoyed dinner with a former student, scheduled lunch with teachers on my campus and just concentrated on listening with intent to others. People are what life is about!! I am thrilled that God put Mary Carole in my life to be one of the people who share my journey with me. 

February 24 - Visit #2 Planned

Visit number two of my 49th year is set up. I will be visiting with my friend and mentor Mary Carole Strother. I met Mary Carole six years ago when I was looking for someone to do my practicum in order to complete my Masters in Library Science. She came very highly recommended and I started my library journey with her. I learned more from her in the 60 hours I was following her around than I learned in my entire Masters degree. Since then, she has encouraged me, listened to me, pushed me, and taken me on some amazing trips. We have laughed together, plotted together and learned an amazing amount together. Through our passion for learning and sharing with others, we have become great friends and spend much time talking about the next project or presentation. She is an amazing ball of energy and continues to inspire me to reach for great things. I look forward to our visit!

January 28th - Visit #1

Spent my evening visiting with my friend and confidant, Billy Faye Curtis. Interesting spending time with someone who is not part of your "family" but has known you since before you were born. BF knows my history - the good and the bad. We have kept in touch all of my 49 years. When I began this 49 year adventure, I knew immediately that BF would be one of my "peeps."
Early on, she was my mom's friend and the mother of one of my good friends. She helped me open my first checking account and baked me a birthday cake in the shape of a check on my 15th
birthday. We took several trips together - my favorite being the jumping trip to Houston. My brother and her son jumped everything that trip and had several near death experiences because of it. Memories are often made in the strangest of ways.
Over the years, she has become my friend, mentor and confidant. I can tell her things I would tell no one else because she knows my history. She understands me because she has lived my life along side of me. We don't talk often but when we do it's as if we were never apart. We share our thoughts, dreams, struggles, victories and concerns. After 49 years, there have been many thoughts, dreams, struggles, victories and concerns in both of our lives.  It is an amazing thing to have people who are willing to live life with you. One thing I learned tonight is that I must be willing to slow down enough to enjoy these people and the wonderful things they bring to my life.
BF helped me remember the perspective that God is in control, even in the struggles and we must be willing to "Be still and know that He is." Things are going to happen in life. Everything is much easier to deal with when you have something to fall back on. She also listened a lot and helped me think through situations and things which have become patterns in my life. She offered some advice but mainly just offered her life and her experiences with faith, family, friends and living.
This is going to be an amazing journey visiting with the influential people of my life. As is in life - it's more about the journey and not the destination.  I had a wonderful time reconnecting with BF.  She is an amazing woman who has inspired and touched many lives in her path. I hope to live my life in such a way that others look to me, as I look to her.

January 13 - Updating

Just set up my January meeting with long time friend, Billy Faye Curtis.  She lived down the street from my family on the day I was born and has known me and been a great influence, ever since. I even named my pet hamster "Billy Faye".  I spent time with her family growing up, attended her church, and learned many great things from her and her husband, Harold.  Some of my favorite memories growing up are the times I spent going on vacations, attending ballgames, hanging out at her house and as I got older sharing my hopes, dreams, fears and pains with her. I look forward to hearing her amazing insights on life. More to come after our meeting...

January 1 - Birthday

When January 1st is your birthday, you tend to be very reflective about "things." This, being my 49th year on earth, I am even more philosophical.  I have decided to spend the year contemplating what has been and what lies ahead. To accomplish this, I have selected 12 people who have inspired me, loved me, put up with me, and known me better than others to spend time with this year.  The plan is to visit one of these people each month and pick their brain for wisdom on my next chapter in life.  I look forward to learning, growing and having a great time, spending time with some of the greatest people I know.  The plan is to share insights that I learn along the way on this blog.  I hope you will consider following my journey.